Expecting "Church" to Meet Your Needs

As someone who has been a member of several church congregations, there are various internal church matters to which my mind wanders occasionally.  One area to which I've paid particular attention is the interaction between members.  Being involved in the music ministry at each church, I was usually seated in the church building with a good view of the congregation.  From that vantage point, one observes those who interact very little with others; those who seek out a great number with whom to converse; and those who may seem to be isolated and unsatisfied.

I found a quote recently (last paragraph below) which addresses this area of "church life" that I believe is very important; I believe it addresses a reason why some leave the church.  And that is...

What I refer to as "Institutional Christianity" seems largely to have trained their members to find happiness, satisfaction, and purpose in the success of their interactions with others.  They ask themselves, "Am I a good church member?" or "Do I fit in?" or "Am I doing enough here?"  At the moment a few people I have known come to my mind, specifically those who continually depended on the prayers of others.  Yes, we should absolutely be encouragers and supporters of those in our circle of relations, but I've seen a trend that might indicate a person who turns more often to others rather than to Christ.  They are constantly in need and in fear of potential failure and wont.  Regrettably, the success or failure of their interactions with other church members becomes a reflection for their relationship with God.  In contrast, those whom I've seen grow considerably are the same ones who have been directed by someone else to dedicate the time to get to know Christ in Scripture and in prayer.  These are the ones who have a healthy, positive concept of God as a good Father.  Their progress is measurable from one year to the next; the others, not so much, if at all.

If I could sum up both the quote below and my reflection, I would say that those who have these self-focused needs in our church fellowships need to be helped, but that help must always direct them toward Christ's bond with them (NOT their bond to Christ), as opposed to supporting a belief that their help will be found in the ability, reliability, knowledge of another person.  Adherence to that second option can only lead to disappointment and an eventual decision to leave the church setting and possibly Christianity altogether.

Here is the quote:

In many churches, the remedy for conflict often makes it worse, deepening the problem by failing to address the fundamental issue:  We are trusting our ways more than God's.  All individualism leads to consumerism.  When self is center, the world exists to meet one's personal needs. "Hey, I'm entitled to this!"  A culture of consumerism will always value individual needs above community life.  "You're important to me so long as you serve my needs."  When a church focuses on meeting the needs of individuals, Jesus and the Bible become a personal, need-meeting machine.  The church becomes a collection of individuals who are fundamentally at competition with one another—competing to have their needs met.  Here, the Gospel becomes a commodity distributed by supply and demand.  Since no church can meet all the needs, ultimately one set of needs must be placed against the other.  When this happens, staff and members will compete to make a case for how and why their needs are greater than others…. [T]he church becomes divided into interest groups or coalitions formed by age and individual preference.  (Van Yperen, Making Peace: A Guide to Overcoming Church Conflict, p. 30)

Grace=Peace,

Jeremy