Grace - Do You Love Me?

The following is an excerpt from Henri Nouwen's Return of the Prodigal Son, pp. 42-43:

"'To whom do I belong?  To God or to the world?'  Many of my daily preoccupations suggest that I belong more to the world than to God.  A little criticism make me angry, and a little rejection make me depressed.  A little praise raises my spirits, and a little success excites me.  It takes very little to raise me up or thrust me down.  Often I am like a small boat on the ocean, completely at the mercy of its waves.  All the time and energy I spend in keeping some kind of balance and preventing myself from being tipped over and drowning shows that my life is mostly a struggle for survival:  not a holy struggle, but an anxious struggle resulting from the mistaken idea that it is the world that defines me.

"As long as I keep running about asking:  'Do you love me?  Do you really love me?', I give all power to the voices of the world and put myself in bondage because the world is fill with 'ifs.'  The world says:  'Yes, I love you if you are good-looking, intelligent, and wealthy.  I love you if you have a good education, a good job, and good connections.  I love you if you produce much, sell much, and buy much.'  There are endless 'ifs' hidden in the world's love.  These 'ifs' enslave me, since it is impossible to respond adequately to all of them.  The world's love is and always will be conditional.  As long as I keep looking for my true self in the world of conditional love, I will remain 'hooked' to the world--trying, failing, and trying again.  It is a world that fosters addictions because what it offers cannot satisfy the deepest craving of my heart.

"'Addiction' might be the best word to explain the lostness that so deeply permeates contemporary society.  Our addictions make us cling to what the world proclaims as the keys to self-fulfillment:  accumulation of wealth and power; attainment of status and admiration; lavish consumption of food and drink, and sexual gratification without distinguishing between lust and love.  These addictions create expectations that cannot but fail to satisfy our deepest needs.  As long as we live with the world's delusions, our addictions condemn us to futile quests in 'the distant country,' leaving us to face an endless series of disillusionments while our sense of self remains unfulfilled.  In these days of increasing addictions, we have wandered far away from our Father's home.  The addicted life can aptly be designated a life lived in 'a distant country.'  It is from there that our cry for deliverance rises up.

"I am the prodigal son every time I search for unconditional love where it cannot be found.  Why do I keep ignoring the place of true love and persist in looking for it elsewhere?  Why do I keep leaving home where I am called a child of God, the Beloved of my Father?"

Grace=Peace,

Jeremy