Grace - Freedom from Addiction 3

In the following quote, Gerald May describes how his own addiction began.  Notice how the pain and anger he experienced because of his father's death opened a door for him to push God away and embrace another source of comfort:

"In a reaction typical for a nine year old, I expected God to somehow keep me in touch with my father after his death.  I prayed for this, but of course it did not happen.  As a result, something hurt and angry in me, something deeper than my consciousness, chose to dispense with God.  I would take care of myself; I would go it alone.  My wanting--my love--had caused me to hurt, and something in me decided not to want so much.  I repressed my longing.  Just as my father faded from my awareness, so did God, and so did my desire for God.  During college, I fell in love with literature and philosophy.  In retrospect, I think this was my desire for God surfacing again, as a search for beauty and truth.  I even tried to go to church on occasion, but I wasn't consciously looking for God.  By then I was searching for something that I could use to develop a sense of mastery over my life, something that would help me go it alone."

May, Gerald G. Addiction and Grace: Love and Spirituality in the Healing of Addictions. San Francisco, CA: HarperOne, 2005. Print.  p. 5.  The above quote may have been edited for clarity and understanding outside its context.

Grace=Peace,

Jeremy